Might
We rock in old chairs,
In time with the breeze.
Smiling as we watch,
Our children play in the trees.
That future is now faded,
And somehow has slipped away.
But I could never get,
Those good things to rhyme anyway.
In time with the breeze.
Smiling as we watch,
Our children play in the trees.
That future is now faded,
And somehow has slipped away.
But I could never get,
Those good things to rhyme anyway.
posted by The Duke at 9:11 PM
5 Comments:
I like it, but the last line kind of throws me off.
It reminds me of my uncles when they sit around and talk about "loooooooong time ago."
Crazy old Indian men. Ha!
Can you tell me a little more about how it threw you off? I like to make them better!
The poem is trying to contrast a happy possibility with a unfortunate end while using my lack of anything approaching talent at happy poems as a sorta life statement. If that clarifies..!
Okay, nevermind about the last line throwing me off. Apparently I can't read. I totally blame it on the dyslexia.
After properly reading the poem:
Its a good poem. I, myself, see the happiness if life, then see the sad.
I don't know why I couldn't read it right? Hmmm.
Cool! No problem! Thanks for the response! Though, any criticisms are always appreciated, jsut so you know! It's not like I think I am putting gold up here! ha ha ha!
I liked this too
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