Weight lost
Vanity cost
Self loathing increase
Weight on
Hard-on
My reflection is a disease
Does she
want me?
Adoration I need.
From no-one
I know
To hanker after me.
Lost strength
Weak distend
Hate what I see
Vanity cost
Self loathing increase
Weight on
Hard-on
My reflection is a disease
Does she
want me?
Adoration I need.
From no-one
I know
To hanker after me.
Lost strength
Weak distend
Hate what I see
posted by Ultra Toast Mosha God at 7:51 AM
4 Comments:
For now I am going to say "hmmmmm."
While I digest the imgery and shortness.
Honesty time.
I didn't really like it at first, and then I came back and read it today and it's definatly grown on me.
This is a big case of "God being in the details" - or lack thereof. The genius at work here is the simplicity, and in the way that the work as a whole has fairly straightforward nature. It reminds me a bit of reading the lyrics to a whole side of a Discharge album - just a string of machine-gun-like mini-haikus, with a direct and almost aggressive feel to the pacing.
I like it now - a lot. I think it's great because it takes subject matter that could easily turn into an whiny angst-fest and transforms it into something that is direct and cutting; turning a dull blade to a razors edge, as it were. Keep up the good work!
You have understood perfectly the feeling i was trying to convey and, more impressively, the pitfalls i sought to avoid.
I like how it has the staccto feeling. And how it is simple saying with complex repercutions. It's like a disembodied poem on about embodiment almost. Like passive in your skin, passive in your life. Maybe passive isn't the right word... hmmm, distant maybe is better.
I like it.
I also like how it is clear but doesn't sponn feed.
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